… ‘three years since I lost two of my friends’ post.
I keep thinking about that ‘grief is like a window’ quote, because I don’t really get that sad about it anymore. I wasn’t upset yesterday. You still just don’t exist anymore.
At Glastonbury this year, I watched Ed Sheeran, and cried into a bottle of straight rum alone, before vomiting and passing out. In memory of you. But you’d probably still be mad at me for throwing up in your tent that time, and you don’t even know why that song’s relevant. It didn’t feel like a song you’d choose. For your funeral.
I wish I could talk about how much everyone misses you, and how far everyone’s come, but I don’t even see any of them anymore.
There’s so much that you’ve missed out on. The new songs we would’ve sung together, funny stories we could have made, new ridiculous fruity flavours of cider, everything! People are having children now! I’m still angry that I’ve got two less friends to grow up with.
Twenty feels so long ago now, and you didn’t even get to make it that far.
September 15th always feels like a new beginning for me.